"Retouch My Body"

HILARIOUS Mariah parody posted on Perez. Listen here.

Mariah's car crash performance

A performance she'd rather forget, I'm sure. The pre-recorded vocals do an "Ashlee Simpson", but Mariah continues on like a pro. But her live vocals don't appear to be in fine form, is she loosing it?

Mariah proves who the real queen is

Mimi debuted at #1 on the US Billboard 200 with her album "E=MC2", selling 463,000 copies. This is Mimi's biggest debut sales week ever. It's also the highest sales week of the year, surpassing the 375,000 start of Jack Johnson's "Sleep Through the Static" in February. Mimi celebrates her 6th chart-topping US album, now tied with Madonna and Janet Jackson for the title of female artist with the second most #1s (although Madge will be a step ahead when "Hard Candy" takes top spot in a couple of weeks). The top honour goes to Barbara Streisand who has scored 8. Wow, how gay are the US?

Mariah kicks Mariah-wannabe Leona Lewis' "Spirit" off top spot (we still love you Leona!) which sold 205,000 copies to debut at #1 last week. This week "Spirit" sells 95,000 copies, sitting comfortably under her idol at #2.

Janet Jackson must be digging her grave after hearing of Mimi's $UCCE$$. While "Discipline" also debuted at #1 in the US, late February, it did so with a pitiful 181,000 copies. Mariah has sold more in her first week then what Janet has sold in 2 months. "Discipline" continues Janet's string of flop albums, reaching disastrous positions worldwide, most notably the UK where it peaked at #68!

Mariah debuted in the UK at #3 selling 34,800 copies. Ironically, she was outsold by Leona who sold 36,000 copies at #2 - OUCH! "Bianca is soooo upset!". Indie band The Kooks took top spot with 66,000 copies of their album "Konk".

Album reviews: Brian, Mariah and Ashlee

These are not my reviews so the opinions expressed in them are not of my own, but of the reviewer. They are found in this week's Herald Sun music liftout HiT, a publication I have been reading for years.

Brian McFadden: "Set In Stone" (Universal)
Preconceptions: Brian McFadden's swimming in them. Depending who you ask, he's the outspoken one who left soppy Irish stool-warmers Westlife; a middle-of-the-road balladeer; a trouble-making tabloid magnet or that Irish dude who charmed our Delta.

This second solo album is designed to, if not change the world's perception of Brian McFadden, at least give it a right good shakedown, and a musical update. Jump straight to track six – "Alice in Wonderland". Next to landing Delta, it's the best thing he's ever done. It also sounds like nothing else he's ever done. The throbbing beat and dancing strings that propel the verses lead you into a poptastic hands-in-the-air, smile-on-your-face chorus most dance acts would maim, if not kill, for. If Groove Armada released this, it would be No.1 in a heartbeat.

Joyous and exhilarating, it's a stark contrast to "Room to Breathe", McFadden's statement on the darkest few years of his life. Anyone who has seen his champagne-swilling, chain-smoking (and that's while she was pregnant) ex-wife Kerry Katona, would understand he has pulled off the ultimate upgrade with Ms Goodrem. He's not saying who it's about, but "Room to Breathe" should have Katona's ears burning faster than one of her cancer sticks; “You killed me once, wasn't that enough?” McFadden states on the dramatic ballad that recalls the vibe of Mr Timberlake's What Goes Around.

Elsewhere, McFadden's musical vision ranges from the U2-on-acid pop of "Twisted" to the funked-up Jones and even metallic riffs on "Zooma" to unsettle housewives. "Everything But You" and "Get Away" demonstrate the fact this man seems to just sweat out melodic, radio-ready pop rock songs, and if Song for Delta ("Like Only a Woman Can") isn't enough, the backing vocals on the powerful, Coldplay-esque "Forgive Me Twice" should sound familiar. To quote another musically gifted escapee of a boy band: listen without prejudice.

In a word: passionate
4/5 stars
CAMERON ADAMS


Mariah Carey - "E=MC2" (Universal)
Here eccentric street diva Carey demonstrates her comeback album "The Emancipation of Mimi" was no fluke. The hit "Touch My Body" isn't even the strongest offering here. Carey has a knack for roping in hot rappers, most memorably ODB. Here she's joined by Young Jeezy on the crunk-rock Side Effects, about leaving a destructive relationship. Carey has rarely penned such frank lyrics. Though missing her forays into neo-soul, E=MC2 is musically adventurous. She even flirts with Caribbean rhythms on "Cruise Control". It's clear Mimi isn't surrendering to Rihanna just yet.

In a word: confident
3.5/5 stars
CYCLONE WEHNER


Ashlee Simpson - "Bittersweet World" (Universal)
This third album has been over-delayed and overthought. It shows. The flop lead single, Timbaland's messy Outta My Head, even derailed his winning streak. Ditching angst-pop (bar Little Miss Obsessive), now Simpson wants to be Gwen Stefani, either solo or in No Doubt mode. The best moments come with her work with Chad Hugo (Neptunes) and the underrated Kenna: Gwen-esque '80s pop like Boys and No Time for Tears, and simple piano ballad Never Dream Alone. Elsewhere it's patchy and misguided, and the cringe-worthy ode to fiance Pete Wentz – Rule Breaker – is grounds for divorce.

In a word: unconvincing
2/5 stars
CAMERON ADAMS

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